A Young Woman Shares Her Lessons from a Late ADHD Diagnosis

For most of my childhood and teenage years, I wondered why I couldn’t function and behave like my peers. I’d stare at the board in class, yet fail to process the information in front of me. I would miss important instructions on assignments, resulting in poor grades. It felt like everyone was moving forward without me. This created a deep sense of alienation and embarrassment.

In my sophomore year of high school, I was diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). I was prescribed medication for my ADHD and attended therapy to manage my symptoms. After receiving treatment, my grades and social life drastically improved. I found out where I excelled during this time. I was able to engage in my passion for writing, and now I’m majoring in journalism at the University of Minnesota.

Despite the improvement, I felt indignant. I had many questions, such as: Why wasn’t this caught earlier, and how would my life be different if this had been caught in childhood?

It’s hard, but forgiving what happened in the past can be helpful. Focus on what can be done now. It’s never too late to get your child screened for ADHD or other forms of neurodivergence. A delayed diagnosis can be challenging for both the teenager and the caregiver, but it can also be a profound moment of self-discovery.

Who is likely to receive a delayed diagnosis?

ADHD is commonly underdiagnosed in girls. According to the CDC, boys are nearly two times more likely to receive an ADHD diagnosis. This is for various reasons. The Asian Journal of Psychiatry states that one reason is that previous research on ADHD focused only on white males, which created an incomplete picture of ADHD. According to the Psychiatry Research journal, “Diagnosed boys were overrated with hyperactivity and impulsivity while girls were underrated.” This is to say, boys are more likely to be perceived as fitting stereotypical perceptions of ADHD, which is a hyperactive and impulsive boy.

Another reason is social conditioning. An Australian study comparing boys and girls with autism found little girls were “more likely than boys to mimic others in social situations and to want to fit in with other kids.” As a young woman with ADHD, I would try to mask certain behaviors to avoid rejection from my peers. For example, I would be told I was speaking too loud, and my volume would sound normal to me, but I would shrink in embarrassment. I’d find myself choosing not to speak. I also refused to admit when I struggled to focus or understand something at school because I didn’t want to be perceived as stupid.

BIPOC children are also underdiagnosed and underrepresented in ADHD research. According to Everyday Health, “Black children are 36% less likely to receive diagnosis compared to white children, and Latino children are 56% less likely.” Again, this is for various reasons, such as stereotyping, cultural differences, access to healthcare and most importantly, lack of research.

Harmful stereotypes might suggest that the same behavior that’s abnormal in white children is normal in non-white children, which may lead to the underdetection of ADHD. Behavior concerns, which might occur because of undiagnosed ADHD, are often diagnosed as something else, particularly in Black children. The Center for Law and Social Policy states, “Black children in the K-12 system are more likely to be disciplined than their peers for defiance or other common behaviors. And Black students are overrepresented in referrals to law enforcement, in-school and out-of-school suspensions, corporal punishment, and expulsions at every age level, even though white students are referred to the principal’s office more.”

Cultural stigmas may also prevent some from receiving a timely diagnosis, which was my experience. My parents were born in the Philippines, where it was frowned upon to seek any mental health services. It was also taboo to talk about mental health, in general. According to the Journal of Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, Filipinos, whether they live in the Philippines or not, “were hindered by self and social stigma attached to mental disorder, and by concern for loss of face, sense of shame and adherence to Asian values of conformity to norms where mental illness is considered unacceptable.” It wasn’t until my teenage years that my parents were ready to discuss mental health. But once I received my diagnosis, they did everything they could to accommodate me and ensure I received treatment.

Impacts on mental health and social well-being

Being a teenager comes with its own set of challenges. It involves learning how to interact with peers, dealing with hormonal changes, maintaining school-life balance and preparing for college. These can become especially challenging if compounded by a recent ADHD diagnosis.

A study done by the University of Nottingham interviewed individuals with delayed diagnosis of ADHD or autism. There were common themes and experiences among participants. Here’s a list of both positive and negative experiences that may come with a late diagnosis:

Positive:

• Increased self-understanding
• Better communication with peers
• Feeling belonging in neurodiverse communities
• Validating past experiences
• Improved self-esteem*

Negative:

• Imposter syndrome
• Feelings of missed potential
• Feelings of self-blame
• Fear of having a label
• Issues with self-esteem*

You may have noticed that self-esteem is mentioned in both the positive and negative sections. This isn’t a mistake and corresponds to my personal experience. I experienced periods of self-fulfillment as my treatment enabled me to thrive in certain areas. In other moments, I feel exactly as I did before diagnosis, inadequate or abnormal.

How to support your late-diagnosed teenager

It’s important to remember that your teenager is now navigating life with a life-changing diagnosis. As a parent, you’re now navigating that, too. Give both your teenager and yourself some grace.

• Consider co-occurring conditions—Many people with ADHD also have other conditions. According to the CDC, “About 4 in 10, [or 40%], of the children with ADHD had anxiety.” Other co-occurring conditions include autism, conduct disorder and depression.
• Pack their medication—Given the nature of ADHD, I’m prone to forgetting. I’d often forget to take my medication in the morning. To mitigate this, my mom would set out a Ziplock bag with my pills and something to eat.
• Notify their school—ADHD can have a profound impact on academics. By notifying their school, your child may qualify for accommodations such as an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) or a 504 plan.
• Provide reassurance—As mentioned above, your teenager may experience self-esteem issues and self-doubt. Meet them where they are and tell them you’re always there to support them.

Heritability: Is it time to get tested yourself?

It’s normal to wonder if you may have ADHD, too, after your child’s diagnosis. ADHD is often inherited. According to Current Psychiatry Reports, “The formal heritability of ADHD is about 80%.” It can be beneficial for both you and your child to understand ADHD runs in the family. According to the Journal of Attention Disorders, a 2020 study found that adults with an ADHD diagnosis reported a higher quality of life and self-esteem.

Over the past two decades, Missouri Medicine: The Journal of the Missouri State Medical Association states there has also been an increase in adult diagnoses, going from 6.1% of adults to 10.2%. This is partly because some people weren’t diagnosed with ADHD when they were younger. Also, with more awareness of ADHD and its symptoms, more adults are seeking diagnosis. It’s never too late to learn how to better support yourself or your child.